I feel ... this.

"Compassion fatigue, also known as secondary traumatic stress (STS), is a condition characterized by a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among individuals that work directly with trauma victims such as nurses, psychologists, and first responders. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, sleeplessness or nightmares, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self-doubt."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue

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Yes. 

I feel broken,
and defeated.

These kids have my heart, but my heart is not big enough or strong enough to protect them.

Maybe I'm finally learning that I am not enough.

Lord, have mercy. 

I wish my daddy never got shot.

Tuesday Morning

"I wish my daddy never got shot.  'Cuz he can't really do nothing now.  He in a wheel chair." - {T} 

"Me and {I} we live together. Sometime she be crying all day and all night 'cuz she miss her father. Her father in jail. He been there for a long time, since she was a baby.  I miss my daddy, too.  My daddy got shot." -  {T} 

{L} came in this morning hopping around like a grasshopper.  He wouldn't stop bouncing. I asked him how his morning was, and he said, "I ran out my medicine!!!" (Sigh). Okay, {L}, you can still have a good day. He promptly placed himself inside of one of the breakfast crates, which can't be more than 1.5 ft by 1.5 ft. He is so, so thin ... and wiry. I picked up the breakfast crate with  {student} packed inside of it and delivered him to his homeroom.  He sat balled up in the crate for the duration of morning meeting. 

Selah

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; 
Pour out your heart before Him; 
God is a refuge for us. Selah." 
- Psalm 62:8

Why Women Cry

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
- Author unknown

thought of the day

Hey, not all real women have curves.

"Get up... and walk!"

“Get up … and walk!”

Scripture: Luke 5:17-26, especially vv. 24-26

Devotion

At the start of this story, Jesus is teaching in a house in Capernaum and in the crowd listening to him teach is a group of Pharisees and religious leaders.  After the friends of the paralyzed man lower him to the center of the room from the roof, Jesus first tells the paralyzed man on the mat that his sins are forgiven, and then he heals the man of his disease.  The order of the miraculous works here is important.  In first forgiving the man and second healing the man, Jesus demonstrates his authority to forgive sins, which would have been a blasphemous claim if found to be untrue.  If Jesus was not who he claimed to be, the man should not have walked away healed. 

When Jesus told the paralytic to get up and walk, the man obeyed him immediately despite living his entire life to that point as a stationary and totally helpless person.  Years of atrophied muscles may have been good reason for him to first want to stretch out his legs, test his ability to balance himself standing upright, or practice taking baby steps at first.  Yet he stood up right away and started walking forward.  As a result, both the man who was healed and the crowd listening to Jesus teach and perform this miracle starting praising God. 

Sometimes, we can be like the man on the mat when we have been paralyzed by our own sin.  When come face to face with Jesus, he forgives us and then commands us to ‘get up and walk.’  This is a commandment to walk in the freedom that he offers us.  He makes us free from our sickness (sin).  Yet, how often do we choose to stay on the mat, keeping it as a crutch because we believe that walking freely will be scary and hard?  When we choose to walk in the freedom that God gives us, we choose to glorify the Father and we also serve as a witness to His power to others, who in turn praise Him.  Today, I encourage you to ask yourself two questions.

• First, is there anything for which you need to ask God forgiveness?  If yes, go to the Father and ask Him for it.  Because His character is merciful, He will grant it, and when your heart is truly in a position to receive this forgiveness, take comfort in knowing that you are completely free to stand up with a bold confidence to go forward in any direction that points to the Father.
• Second, is there anything for which you have already asked forgiveness, but have yet to fully receive?  If so, remember that you don’t have to stay stuck on the mat.  Like the paralyzed man who immediately stood up and walked freely with his newfound strength, you, too, are free to shake off your old infirmity (sins) for the sake of glorifying the Father.

Questions for Reflection

1. When Jesus told the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home,” what choices did the man have?
2. What does this story say about the character and nature of Jesus?
3. This story of Jesus’ healing is not just a parable.  Jesus actually healed the man of his paralysis.  As followers of Jesus who have been baptized with the Holy Spirit, we, too, have the ability to heal in the name of Jesus.  Look around you – who needs healing?  Pray in bold faith for the healing of that person for the glorification of the Father.