Whoa

I am exhausted and I am really stressed out. When I lay in bed at night, I find my mind is racing, my heart is pounding, and my breathing is gradually becoming more and more labored. (Am I having mini panic attacks every other night!?) I asked a close friend and great mentor how I'd know if I was too busy, and he said that the mere fact that I am wondering if I am too busy is an indication that I am already too busy. I don't know how this happened; I didn't commit to anything frivolous or for the sake of buffering my resume or on behalf of a friend. No, my involvement at school/internship, at work, and in the church are all purposeful. The things that take up my time (and money!) are things and people and places I care deeply about (i.e. Redeemed Ministries, Teach For America, school social work). Yet, I want to cry at the end of each day. At the end of a good number of days, I actually do cry. I had an in-depth conversation on my way back from the Teach For America CCC training in Atlanta to my apartment in Athens ... it was an hour-long conversation between me and ... me. (That's just not normal.)

I set my alarm for 4:30AM tomorrow. I've gotta run. I've gotta prep for work and I've gotta read. Oh yeah, and I've "gotta" spend time with the Lord. (You know I don't view quiet times as a "gotta do" thing...)

After I finish this venting blog, I'm going to bed. I haven't checked my work e-mails since Thursday, and I've yet to finish organizing everything for school, Redeemed, and DT. It must not be a coincidence that on week number ONE of DT with Ashley in this year of the absurdly busy schedule, she suggested / challenged me to actually observe the sabbath. God is speaking. I better not be " too busy " to listen. (Whoa, conviction ... reality check.)

Each time I end these things with a "more later! I promise" and each time my mind is left racing and spinning of the people and families and stories and heartcries and love and craziness and pressure and burdens and experiences and opportunities of every single day. What more can I say?

Moore Beginnings

Life has been a whirlwind lately. In the past three and a half months, I've jumped from the end of my junior year to serving at an orphanage in Moshi, Tanzania to a traveling for a week throughout the Serengeti National Parks to climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro for six days to interning with World Relief in Stone Mountain, GA and working with refugees from all over the world for eight weeks to my present location in lovely Athens, GA, i.e. the start of my senior year of college. Whoa! This year I'll be interning with the Clarke County School District in the School Social Work Department. I had my orientation on Thursday and found out I've been placed with a supervisor who focuses primarily on special education. I'm excited about this because I've had relatively little experience in this specialty area. While I've worked and volunteered a considerable amount with early and late adolescents from the roles of tutor, teacher, mentor, counselor, and discipler and while I've had the opportunity to learn about and assist teenagers with various problem sets ranging from homelessness to teenage pregnancy to drug addiction to learning disabilities, I have but one semester of assistant 'teaching' in a special-needs pre-K classroom and just a few hours of volunteer teaching tennis to a group of adults with Down Syndrome. So, this year should be a great year of learning new things and being stretched and challenged!

In addition to the 25 hr/wk internship, I'll be taking 17 hrs of classes. They're all 5000-level SOWK classes: the curriculum for seniors in the BSW program is the same as it is for first-years in the MSW program. I'm taking (1) Research Methods; (2) Generalist Practice II; (3) Field Education / Senior Seminar; (4) Child Abuse and Neglect. Again, should be a great opportunity to learn. Does that sound cheesy? I think it does, but it is the truth. This is what I want to do with my life - serve and empower children, adolescents, and families who are experiencing a host of difficulties in their lives. I'm still not sure exactly what this will look like or in what capacity I might be called to serve, but I am grateful to gain skills that will help me be more effective in effecting change.

Beyond school, the 2009-2010 academic year will be ... full. I'm working as a Campus Campaign Coordinator for Teach For America. Along with three other CCCs and our Recruitment Director, I'll be recruiting top seniors at UGA to apply to the corps to close the achievement gap and strive towards educational justice. While I haven't decided for sure, it seems pretty likely that I will apply to the corps myself. If at all possible, I'd like to at least get my application in by September. That way I can have a few options on the table when/if I want to consider other options like graduate school and/or overseas service. One of the big choices I'll have to make in my application is in which regions I preference. Part of me wants to check the box, "Place me where I'm most needed / place me anywhere," and part of me wants to list the cities [ I think ] I most want to teach in; ex: DC, NYC, Atlanta, Chicago, LA, Twin Cities, Philadelphia, etc. More blog entries about Teach For America, educational justice, the achievement gap, our nation's civil rights "issue" of this era, and more to come in the coming weeks, I promise!

Other adventures and opportunities and responsibilities and privileges and burdens upon which to pray:

--> Leadership with Wesley:
** Getting discipled by the one and only . . . Ashley!
** Disciping two sophomore girls! (SO EXCITED!)
** Leading with/through Redeemed on behalf of girls and women in the sex industry [in any and every capacity] in Athens and Atlanta; guiding the community in prayer; interceding for the women; participating and leading outreaches; raising awareness; loving;
** Wednesday night leadership prayer and service; praying for and interceding on behalf of Wesley, the UGA campus - students and faculty, the city of Athens

--> Serving as a volunteer counselor / mentor at the Wellspring & Redeemed Emergency Housing Shelter for women exiting the sex industry [in any and every capacity]
** Updating and contributing to case notes;
** LOVE; prayer; discussion;
** Practical, logistic help such as transporting the women to doctor's appointments, drug screenings, etc.
** LOVE; prayer; discussion!!

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Oh my goodness... there is still so much more to write and I seem to have so little time! I will try harder.
Pray for me; I will pray for you!

Only An Official End

My internship with World Relief ended on Friday. It was a lot harder to leave than I expected. I got to know the families so well- they trusted me with their very lives [ at times ] and depended on me for everything from food to doctors' appointments to learning American cultural practices. The series of pictures from Aug. 2 are from dinners and outings of the past week that I had with 3-4 of the families that I became closest to. I invited my friend Anne and my friend Amanda to eat dinner with myself and the [ Nepali ] Poudels and the [ Iraqi ] Hamas, respectively. A volunteer, Amy, and I took the Somali family to downtown Atlanta and taught them how to use the MARTA bus and rail system.

I'm really struggling that I didn't get to see Esther before my internship ended. I went to visit her in the hospital on Tuesday, but she was in surgery. I couldn't do Wednesday night because I was already working overtime for Kristine and didn't finish until about 8PM. Thursday and Friday were dinners with families and other goodbyes. Though my internship has officially ended, I am still praying for her. I want her to get better. I pray for her heart to literally, physically heal. Hearing her testimony and the boldness of her faith in Christ is absolutely humbling. Her strength is contagious- ironic considering she weighs in at maybe 85 lbs after a Thanksgiving feast with all her clothes and a pair of boots on. I feel like there is still a lot for me to learn from her and her family. I miss the Monger's already, and I don't ever want the relationships with families in Clarkston and Stone Mountain and Decatur that I have so graciously had the opportunity to become a part of to fade away into memories of one of my college summers of interning. Friday was just official. Inshallah, the sharing and the relationships will never end.

Just words, and I have so few.

Stories to come, for now, pictures will speak for my lost voice.