Whoa

I am exhausted and I am really stressed out. When I lay in bed at night, I find my mind is racing, my heart is pounding, and my breathing is gradually becoming more and more labored. (Am I having mini panic attacks every other night!?) I asked a close friend and great mentor how I'd know if I was too busy, and he said that the mere fact that I am wondering if I am too busy is an indication that I am already too busy. I don't know how this happened; I didn't commit to anything frivolous or for the sake of buffering my resume or on behalf of a friend. No, my involvement at school/internship, at work, and in the church are all purposeful. The things that take up my time (and money!) are things and people and places I care deeply about (i.e. Redeemed Ministries, Teach For America, school social work). Yet, I want to cry at the end of each day. At the end of a good number of days, I actually do cry. I had an in-depth conversation on my way back from the Teach For America CCC training in Atlanta to my apartment in Athens ... it was an hour-long conversation between me and ... me. (That's just not normal.)

I set my alarm for 4:30AM tomorrow. I've gotta run. I've gotta prep for work and I've gotta read. Oh yeah, and I've "gotta" spend time with the Lord. (You know I don't view quiet times as a "gotta do" thing...)

After I finish this venting blog, I'm going to bed. I haven't checked my work e-mails since Thursday, and I've yet to finish organizing everything for school, Redeemed, and DT. It must not be a coincidence that on week number ONE of DT with Ashley in this year of the absurdly busy schedule, she suggested / challenged me to actually observe the sabbath. God is speaking. I better not be " too busy " to listen. (Whoa, conviction ... reality check.)

Each time I end these things with a "more later! I promise" and each time my mind is left racing and spinning of the people and families and stories and heartcries and love and craziness and pressure and burdens and experiences and opportunities of every single day. What more can I say?