Hi. Just a blurb about what I'm thinking and feeling about Thursday, June 17th, the day I drive 9-10 hours to Washington, DC to search for housing and begin Induction and then Institute. As of tonight, I don't feel ready to move to another state, to start a hurried, hectic, and demanding schedule once more, to be charged with more work and responsibility than I've [probably] ever been charged with before, and to start all things-including relationships-anew. Right now, I just feel overwhelmed and scared and inadequate. Whoa, how's that for the honest truth? I know overwhelming thoughts and feelings come and go, and I do respect that, but it's hard to feel truly prepared when I see this daunting mountain in front of me. I know there will be so many good times, priceless moments with new best friends and colleagues and meaningful work and the opportunity to make an impact by doing something I've wanted to do for a very long time, but it's hard to see those golden moments now. (It's like being at Horombo Hut on Mount Kilimanjaro, at 11PM as we're waking up from the freezing bunks to begin the summit to Uhuru's Peak. I have a feeling it will be great at the top of the mountain, gazing around at all of East Africa as the sun rises when I reach the summit, but as I'm about to begin the ascent, it's only dark, windy, below freezing ..and I am nervous that I won't have what it takes.)
Several people have advised me that it's going to be "so hard," that I'll need more than youthful energy & naive (their word, not mine) optimism & an ambition for excellence in order to succeed and to last, and that I need to prepare for a lot of bureaucratic red tape at my school and, well, everywhere. Ugh, I KNOW! That's life, right? Isn't life hard? And don't you need something more than energy and ambition to make it through the politics and to the end, to the part where He smiles and says, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."? Yes, that is life.
So I guess I just need to hear that it's OK to not work until 3:42AM preparing lesson plans every night (which is the expectation / vibe I'm getting from current and past corps members and from all the pre-reading that I'm still behind on), and I need to hear once more that it is OK to shoot for excellence but to be satisfied with whatever results come forth (whether the results measure in at 'excellent' or 'well done.') Hell, if I fail, so be it. If I fail, and I will, may I fail well. May I also not make a habit of it.
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sG had her amazing arangetram ((Tamil: அரங்கேற்றம்), the debut on-stage performance of a Bharatanatyam student, after undertaking years of training) this evening. I wish I had the words to describe it. I wish I could actually articulate just how in awe I truly am, how proud of her we all are, how beautiful she is, how wonderfully she danced, how dedicated she has been. It was a 3-hr solo classical Indian dance ceremony/recital/celebration and her relatives from India and all over the country flew in to celebrate her. Wow. Just wow.
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Amanda is back from Liberia, and 22.
Brittany and Josh are in Kentucky, being married and working and going to school full time.
Bekah is still rockin' it (selling books / managing teams) in Indiana.
Heather is all moved in to her new apartment (without me), working full time at her awesome new office management job.
Matt has gone and returned from his month-long road trip, and wanders
Becca & David, Joanna & Phinzy, Ashlyn & Miles, Kara & Stuart, and Ashley & Tate are all married now. Kristen & Scott and Hillary & Elliott are left... Only a few more weeks ;)
Ryleigh is 2.
I am about to move. I am not ready! I _____ .
The end.
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