Remind Me

Once upon a time, I had the mental and physical discipline to push through heat, humidity, tiredness, moderate pain, and that uncomfortable feeling that arises the moment you cross the threshold from working out, playing, and running recreationally to doing so competitively.  I have distinct memories of waking up before the sun was up to hit a bucket of serves or to run sprints up the big hill in my neighborhood.  When I was 12 or 13, I came across the quote,  "A champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one else is watching."  That statement resonated with me and pushed me through hundreds of practices, trainings, and matches.  I wanted to be a champion.

Fast-forward 11 years, and I am now teaching 12 year old children how to do math.  I was trained on the techniques in a book called Teach Like a Champion, (how fitting!), but I still miss the drive towards elite physical fitness of my younger years.  When I go out for a run now, I just jog leisurely for however long I please.  This style of running has suited me well for the past 2-3 years because it has kept me in shape, allowed me to do a handful of half-marathons, and taught me to enjoy the sport.  (Running used to be punishment, so I used to hate it!)  I know I'll never place in a race, and I don't need to be able to run 5-minute (or 6-minute, or 7-minute) miles.  So, recreational running is fine for me.  But, I do need  to have (yearn for?) the discipline to push hard to make a 30-minute run turn into a 90-minute run, or to up the pace when the occasion calls for it, or to simply get out there on a particularly hot, humid day.  Lately, that discipline has been absent from within: I have just run, or jogged or walked, until I felt like stopping, and when I have tried to push myself, something inside just says, "Nah..." and I mosey on home.

There are the rare days that I go to a field to run sprints just because I can, or perhaps because I am trying to resurrect that mental and physical discipline to push past the side cramps, heat, slow pace, frustration, confusion, stress, and fear.  Those days are the best running days.  It is on these days few and far between that when I feel 'like a champion' again.  It is liberation birthed of discipline that follows exhaustion.

I want to run this hard again. 
Remind me.